Customer Care in 2020

Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."

Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."

Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"

Customer: "It's eh..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"

Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"

Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?

Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"

Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."

Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"

Customer: "How come?"

Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"

Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"

Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"

Customer: "How do you know for sure?"

Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"

Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"

Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"

Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"

Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."

Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"

Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"

Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"

Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."

Customer: " What!"

Operator: "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123.."

Customer: " ????"

Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"

Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"

Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "

Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^

Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"

Customer: [Faints]

Good Messages

Friends are like shose, Some loose some tight, Some fit just right, They help u as u walk though life. Thanks 4 being my size.

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Think of life as a great road trip. If u spend 2 much time looking back at where U've been, U'll miss what's ahead.

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When the Going gets Tough, the tough gets going..

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Care for the one who Shares with u,
Share with the one who Knows u,
Know the one who MISSES u,
MISS the one who WELL WISHES for u,
Wish u all the Best.

Installing Husband 1.0

A DESPERATE WOMAN WRITES TO THE TECHNICAL SUPPORT GUY,


Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from 'Boyfriend 5.0' to 'Husband 1.0' and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the 'flower' and 'jewellery' applications, which operated flawlessly under 'Boyfriend 5.0'.

In addition, 'Husband 1.0' uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
'Romance 9.5' and 'Personal Attention 6.5', and then installed undesirable programs such as 'NEWS 5.0', 'MONEY 3.0' and 'CRICKET 4.1'.

'Conversation 8.0' no longer runs, and 'Housecleaning 2.6' simply crashes the system.

Please note that I have tried running 'Nagging 5.3' to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate Woman
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Tech Support Reply,
DEAR DESPERATE Madam,

First, keep in mind, 'Boyfriend 5.0' is an Entertainment Package, while 'Husband 1.0' is an operating system.

Please enter command: 'ithoughtyoulovedme.html' and try to download 'Tears 6.2' and do not forget to install the 'Guilt 3.0' update.
If that application works as designed, 'Husband1.0' should then automatically run the applications 'Jewellery 2.0' and 'Flowers 3.5'.

However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause 'Husband 1.0' to default to 'Silence 2.5', 'Happy Hour 7.0' or 'Beer 6.1'.

Please note that 'Beer 6.1' is a very bad program that will download the 'Snoring Loudly Beta'.

Whatever you do, DO NOT install 'Mother-In-Law 1.0' under any circumstances (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)

In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the 'Boyfriend 5.0' program. These are unsupported applications and will crash 'Husband 1.0'.

In summary, 'Husband 1.0' is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.

You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: 'Cooking 3.0' and 'Hot Looks 7.7'.

Good Luck Madam!

Mother's Pray