Operator : "Thank you for calling Pizza Hut . May I have your..."
Customer: "Heloo, can I order.."
Operator : "Can I have your multi purpose card number first, Sir?"
Customer: "It's eh..., hold..........on......889861356102049998-45-54610"
Operator : "OK... you're... Mr Singh and you're calling from 17 Jalan Kayu. Your home number is 4094! 2366, your office 76452302 and your mobile is 0142662566. Which number are you calling from now Sir?"
Customer: "Home! How did you get all my phone numbers?
Operator : "We are connected to the system Sir"
Customer: "May I order your Seafood Pizza..."
Operator : "That's not a good idea Sir"
Customer: "How come?"
Operator : "According to your medical records, you have high blood pressure and even higher cholesterol level Sir"
Customer: "What?... What do you recommend then?"
Operator : "Try our Low Fat Hokkien Mee Pizza. You'll like it"
Customer: "How do you know for sure?"
Operator : "You borrowed a book entitled "Popular Hokkien Dishes" from the National Library last week Sir"
Customer: "OK I give up... Give me three family size ones then, how much will that cost?"
Operator : "That should be enough for your family of 10, Sir. The total is $49.99"
Customer: "Can I pay by! credit card?"
Operator : "I'm afraid you have to pay us cash, Sir. Your credit card is over the limit and you owe your bank $3,720.55 since October last year. That's not including the late payment charges on your housing loan, Sir."
Customer: "I guess I have to run to the neighbourhood ATM and withdraw some cash before your guy arrives"
Operator : "You can't Sir. Based on the records, you've reached your daily limit on machine withdrawal today"
Customer: "Never mind just send the pizzas, I'll have the cash ready. How long is it gonna take anyway?"
Operator : "About 45 minutes Sir, but if you can't wait you can always come and collect it on your motorcycle..."
Customer: " What!"
Operator: "According to the details in system ,you own a Scooter,...registration number 1123.."
Customer: " ????"
Operator : "Is there anything else Sir?"
Customer: "Nothing... by the way... aren't you giving me that 3 free bottles of cola as advertised?"
Operator : "We normally would Sir, but based on your records you're also diabetic....... "
Customer: #$$^%&$@$% ^
Operator : "Better watch your language Sir. Remember on 15th July 1987 you were convicted of using abusive language on a policeman...?"
Customer: [Faints]
Tuesday, September 22, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Good Messages
Friends are like shose, Some loose some tight, Some fit just right, They help u as u walk though life. Thanks 4 being my size.
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Think of life as a great road trip. If u spend 2 much time looking back at where U've been, U'll miss what's ahead.
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When the Going gets Tough, the tough gets going..
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Care for the one who Shares with u,
Share with the one who Knows u,
Know the one who MISSES u,
MISS the one who WELL WISHES for u,
Wish u all the Best.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Think of life as a great road trip. If u spend 2 much time looking back at where U've been, U'll miss what's ahead.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
When the Going gets Tough, the tough gets going..
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Care for the one who Shares with u,
Share with the one who Knows u,
Know the one who MISSES u,
MISS the one who WELL WISHES for u,
Wish u all the Best.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
Installing Husband 1.0
A DESPERATE WOMAN WRITES TO THE TECHNICAL SUPPORT GUY,
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from 'Boyfriend 5.0' to 'Husband 1.0' and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the 'flower' and 'jewellery' applications, which operated flawlessly under 'Boyfriend 5.0'.
In addition, 'Husband 1.0' uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
'Romance 9.5' and 'Personal Attention 6.5', and then installed undesirable programs such as 'NEWS 5.0', 'MONEY 3.0' and 'CRICKET 4.1'.
'Conversation 8.0' no longer runs, and 'Housecleaning 2.6' simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running 'Nagging 5.3' to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Woman
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Tech Support Reply,
DEAR DESPERATE Madam,
First, keep in mind, 'Boyfriend 5.0' is an Entertainment Package, while 'Husband 1.0' is an operating system.
Please enter command: 'ithoughtyoulovedme.html' and try to download 'Tears 6.2' and do not forget to install the 'Guilt 3.0' update.
If that application works as designed, 'Husband1.0' should then automatically run the applications 'Jewellery 2.0' and 'Flowers 3.5'.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause 'Husband 1.0' to default to 'Silence 2.5', 'Happy Hour 7.0' or 'Beer 6.1'.
Please note that 'Beer 6.1' is a very bad program that will download the 'Snoring Loudly Beta'.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install 'Mother-In-Law 1.0' under any circumstances (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the 'Boyfriend 5.0' program. These are unsupported applications and will crash 'Husband 1.0'.
In summary, 'Husband 1.0' is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: 'Cooking 3.0' and 'Hot Looks 7.7'.
Good Luck Madam!
Dear Tech Support,
Last year I upgraded from 'Boyfriend 5.0' to 'Husband 1.0' and I noticed a distinct slowdown in the overall system performance, particularly in the 'flower' and 'jewellery' applications, which operated flawlessly under 'Boyfriend 5.0'.
In addition, 'Husband 1.0' uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as
'Romance 9.5' and 'Personal Attention 6.5', and then installed undesirable programs such as 'NEWS 5.0', 'MONEY 3.0' and 'CRICKET 4.1'.
'Conversation 8.0' no longer runs, and 'Housecleaning 2.6' simply crashes the system.
Please note that I have tried running 'Nagging 5.3' to fix these problems, but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Woman
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- --------- ------
Tech Support Reply,
DEAR DESPERATE Madam,
First, keep in mind, 'Boyfriend 5.0' is an Entertainment Package, while 'Husband 1.0' is an operating system.
Please enter command: 'ithoughtyoulovedme.html' and try to download 'Tears 6.2' and do not forget to install the 'Guilt 3.0' update.
If that application works as designed, 'Husband1.0' should then automatically run the applications 'Jewellery 2.0' and 'Flowers 3.5'.
However, remember, overuse of the above application can cause 'Husband 1.0' to default to 'Silence 2.5', 'Happy Hour 7.0' or 'Beer 6.1'.
Please note that 'Beer 6.1' is a very bad program that will download the 'Snoring Loudly Beta'.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install 'Mother-In-Law 1.0' under any circumstances (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
In addition, please do not attempt to reinstall the 'Boyfriend 5.0' program. These are unsupported applications and will crash 'Husband 1.0'.
In summary, 'Husband 1.0' is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance.
We recommend: 'Cooking 3.0' and 'Hot Looks 7.7'.
Good Luck Madam!
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
Thursday, June 12, 2008
Kindness Pays
One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry.
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"
"You don't owe me anything," she replied
"Mother has taught us never to accept payment for a kindness." He said..."Then I thank you from my heart."
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt; stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.
Years later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally, she looked, and something caught ; her attention on the side as She read these words.....
"Paid in full with one glass of milk."(Signed) Dr. HowardKelly.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, GOD, that Your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands."
He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?"
"You don't owe me anything," she replied
"Mother has taught us never to accept payment for a kindness." He said..."Then I thank you from my heart."
As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt; stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit.
Years later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly was called in for the consultation. When he heard the name of the town she came from, a strange light filled his eyes. Immediately he rose and went down the hall of the hospital to her room. Dressed in his doctor's gown he went in to see her. He recognized her at once. He went back to the consultation room determined to do his best to save her life. From that day he gave special attention to the case.
After a long struggle, the battle was won. Dr. Kelly requested the business office to pass the final bill to him for approval. He looked at it, then wrote something on the edge and the bill was sent to her room. She feared to open it, for she was sure it would take the rest of her life to pay for it all. Finally, she looked, and something caught ; her attention on the side as She read these words.....
"Paid in full with one glass of milk."(Signed) Dr. HowardKelly.
Tears of joy flooded her eyes as her happy heart prayed: "Thank You, GOD, that Your love has spread abroad through human hearts and hands."
Thursday, June 5, 2008
WOW! (Voice From Heart To Express Your Feelings)
Last spring I was walking in a park. A short distance ahead of me was a mom and her three-year-old daughter. The little girl was holding on to a string that was attached to a helium balloon
All of a sudden, a sharp gust of wind took the balloon from the little girl. I braced myself for some screaming and crying.
But, no! As the little girl turned to watch her balloon go skyward, she gleefully shouted out, Wow!
I didn't realize it at that moment, but that little girl taught me something.
Later that day, I received a phone call from a person with news of an unexpected problem. I felt like responding with Oh no, what should we do But remembering that little girl, I found myself saying, Wow, that's interesting! How can I help you.
One thing's for sure - life's always going to keep us off balance with its unexpected problems. That's a given. What's not preordained is our response. We can choose to be frustrated or fascinated.
No matter what the situation, a fascinated Wow! will always beat a frustrated Oh, no.
So the next time you experience one of life's unexpected gusts, remember that little girl and make it a Wow! experience. The Wow! response always works.
We human beings are such small creatures.
So don't be too worried about everything, treasure every moment, do what you wish to do.
Message Is: Broaden your view, broaden your mind. Don't worry too much about things that are bothering you. Do treasure your loved ones, live safely and peacefully.
All of a sudden, a sharp gust of wind took the balloon from the little girl. I braced myself for some screaming and crying.
But, no! As the little girl turned to watch her balloon go skyward, she gleefully shouted out, Wow!
I didn't realize it at that moment, but that little girl taught me something.
Later that day, I received a phone call from a person with news of an unexpected problem. I felt like responding with Oh no, what should we do But remembering that little girl, I found myself saying, Wow, that's interesting! How can I help you.
One thing's for sure - life's always going to keep us off balance with its unexpected problems. That's a given. What's not preordained is our response. We can choose to be frustrated or fascinated.
No matter what the situation, a fascinated Wow! will always beat a frustrated Oh, no.
So the next time you experience one of life's unexpected gusts, remember that little girl and make it a Wow! experience. The Wow! response always works.
We human beings are such small creatures.
So don't be too worried about everything, treasure every moment, do what you wish to do.
Message Is: Broaden your view, broaden your mind. Don't worry too much about things that are bothering you. Do treasure your loved ones, live safely and peacefully.
Tuesday, August 7, 2007
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